Insecurities
by xIrelandx
Summary: Exactly what it says on the tin: Various headcanon insecurities of our favourite couple. I am open to further prompting; let me know what you'd like to see. SoMa, may contain sides of others.
1. Teeth

Soul always hated his teeth. When he was a lot younger, girls in his family's social group would giggle and blush around him, commenting on how one day he would be just as handsome as his older brother, Wes. But when they would come up to Soul, hoping to be his girlfriend, and the not yet cynical Soul would nod enthusiastically and smile, the girls would run away in terror.

The one plus side Soul could see to his teeth was that people rarely bothered him, and he was fine with that.

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Spirit Albarn was more than willing to give his daughter anything she wanted, including pay for an apartment for her and her partner to live in, once she became old enough to have a weapon partner. Spirit felt the need to stick his foot in his mouth for his having said "any partner, no matter what", when Maka introduced him to Soul.

Spirit had, of course, been hoping that Maka would make a female friend, to make up for the missing mother figure in her life. That way she wouldn't make him worry too much about boys or…womanly problems, because she'd have another girl to go through it with. Maka, on the other hand, never intended to have a female partner. Although extremely friendly and caring, she had always been too tomboyish and too smart (though Maka often tried to deny this) for most of the other girls her age. She didn't really care about boys or makeup or their little gossip. She cared about school and doing well.

Thus, growing up, her only real friend was Black*Star. Sure, he annoyed her to high Hell. He was narcissistic and not always very nice to her, but Maka appreciated his honesty, his dedication, and his loyalty; one day, after seeing her father betray her mother, Black*Star saw Maka crying and promptly awarded Spirit with a punch to where it really hurt. He then placed both hands on both Maka's shoulders and told her, in a brotherly fashion, "If Spirit ever bothers you again, just let Black*Star know."

Maka lived a mostly lonely childhood, with no mother, virtually no father, and practically no friend. When she heard Soul's sad and lonely song echoing through the halls of Shibusen, she knew immediately who her partner would be. His quirky smile and honest attitude only confirmed it.

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Before he and Maka officially became partners, Soul tried desperately to scare Maka off. He got along with her well enough, thought that she was cool and all, but he knew that once he really opened his mouth, and she really saw what he was like, she'd be terrified like the rest of them. She'd leave him too, and he didn't want the trouble of going through that. So Soul set up all kinds of different situations in which she might see his teeth, but she never seemed to care.

One day, about a month after they moved into the apartment. Soul stood behind Maka, who was reading a book on the couch. He had let all of his thoughts permeate in his head, and was now glaring at the back of Maka's head.

"What's wrong with you?" he asked, throwing his hands in the air.

Maka closed her book, using her thumb as a bookmark. "Hm? What do you mean?"

Soul gave her a growling sneer. Maka giggled. He looked too much like a dog to actually be menacing to her. "My teeth! They're sharp! They're creepy! They're unnatural! Why aren't you scared?"

Maka tilted her head to the side. "I dunno, they're just not…scary."

The was a slight pause, and Maka went back to reading. Soul was dumbstruck. "So you're not even the least bit curious?"

Patiently, Maka closed her book again, this time setting it to the side. She looked seriously at him. "Well, I was wondering how you got them so sharp?"

Soul blushed, looking down and off to the side. "Uhm. Past inbreeding in my family." Maka had a shocked and embarrassed look on her face. "We're kind of upper class…and they've wanted to stay that way."

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry, I didn't know – "

"No, it's okay. That's why I'm so dumb –"

"I don't think you're dumb."

There was another pause. "You…don't?"

"No. I've seen a lot of idiots in my life…like my papa. You're not stupid." She gave him a pointed look. If she had glasses, she would have been looking down at him through them. "You just need to study more."

Another pause. "How did you thing my teeth got so sharp? Just out of interest."

"I thought maybe…you'd filed them like that."

Soul was horrified. "Why would I do that?"

"I don't know…because it looks cool."

Soul felt a weird, uplifting feeling in the pit of his stomach. He felt lightheaded and…was that happy? "Do you really think my teeth are cool?" Maka nodded. He'd never really been close enough to anyone before to try this, but he decided to go for it anyway: He awkwardly wrapped his arms around Maka into a warm and sincere hug. Maka blushed, unsure of what to do; she'd never been hugged by a boy before. She held his hand lightly.

Soul released quickly and muttered something about needing to clean his room. Maka agreed, going to make dinner. Maka never forgot the first time Soul hugged her. Soul never forgot the first – and only time – someone said his teeth were anything but weird, creepy, or freaky.


	2. Partners in Crime-Fighting

Soul and Maka had been working together for about six months the first time a student – a then somewhat chubby and more confident Hiro – asked to speak to Soul "in private". Soul was more than slightly antisocial and didn't really like being around anyone who wasn't Maka or, at this time, Tsubaki, with whom Maka had formed a fast friendship, refused to speak to Hiro without Maka around. Which proved, of course, to be a huge mistake.

Hiro himself was slightly terrified of Maka. She and Soul had already acquired 38 kishin eggs; Hiro didn't even have a partner yet. He twirled his fingers around one another and stuttered as he asked Soul "Would you be my partner?"

Soul didn't really know what to say because he didn't think partner-switching was allowed. He thought Hiro was joking, but judging from the serious expression on his face, Soul didn't think it polite to laugh.

Maka, on the other hand, knew the rules and was quite sure that Hiro was not, in fact, joking. So Maka ran home, crying.

Soul put a hand behind his head, scratching his hair lightly.

"So…what do you think?"

Soul chanced a glance behind his shoulder. "Sorry kid, but I gotta go check on my partner." Hiro looked embarrassed to the point of tears. "Wow, you are so uncool."

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Soul didn't have a sister. He had a mother, but they weren't exactly close. He had a brother, but he'd never seen Wes cry.

Soul knocked on Maka's door tentatively, hoping this wasn't going to earn him a smack. "Hey, Maka, are you, um, okay?"

He didn't quite understand her response, but it sounded like "Bllasdddkaskd alssskdka!" Soul found himself scratching his head again. Dammit, if I don't stop doing that, people are going to think I have lice or something. So uncool. "Come on Maka, just tell me what's wrong," but Maka wouldn't budge. Soul dug his teeth into his lip, tasting the blood as it hit his tongue. Sighing, Soul gave up. "Look, Maka, whatever it is I did…I'm sorry."

Maka opened the door a bit. Soul noticed that her eyes were big, red, and strained. Her cheeks were blotchy and her hair was messy, with random strands having fallen out of their tails. He'd never seen her look that weak or vulnerable, and they'd be in life-threatening danger several times by now. Soul was both amazed and unnerved.

"If you want to switch to Hiro, I understand" she mumbled.

"What? Why would I want to do that?" Maka shrugged her shoulders slightly, leaving one slightly tilted to the side.

"Because he's a boy? Because he's 'cooler' than me?"

"You're kidding me, right? He's such a loser. I thought he was joking when he asked to be my partner." Maka's laugh turned into a cough. "I'm not…I'm not going to ditch you."

"Yeah, that's what papa said."

Until now, Maka hadn't really said anything about her father. Soul knew that people at school gossiped about it, and that was part of the reason he didn't talk to the people at school. All he knew was the Spirit was a player and that Maka hated him. If Maka hated him, that was good enough for Soul. She was his partner. He trusted her, no matter what.

Maka started to shut the door, but Soul stuck his foot in, hand on her door frame. "Maka, tell me what happened."

Maka looked up at him, and for a moment, Soul didn't see her as his meister, but as a little kid, hurt and afraid. She sat down on the floor, hugging her knees to her chest.

"Papa cheats on mama. With practically every piece of –" she stopped midway, whether to hold back tears or because she was trying not to be insulting, Soul couldn't tell. "With every girl who walked by. Mama trusted him…I trusted him…but in the end…they both left…they always leave."

Soul sat for awhile thinking, not even noticing when Maka shut and locked the door. But he did decide to make dinner that night, leaving some outside of Maka's door and knocking gently for whenever she was ready.

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Soul could have told Maka that he was never going to leave her, but he knew that he had to earn that kind of trust instead of expecting her to just believe him. So instead of pushing the issue, he kicked Spirit in the place it most hurt the next time he saw him. Maka, who was watching from a distance, giggled and, grabbing Soul's hand, ran into the classroom before her father could make a scene of things. That was the first time Soul remembered holding hands with…well, anyone.

Although Soul had no particular interest in switching partners and trusted Maka to feel the same, he made an effort to keep any other requests few and secret. And after seeing what it did to Maka, he was also determined to never feel that way himself. From that day forward, Soul made a point of punching walls and lockers, glaring and baring his teeth, and holding Maka's hand or wrapping an arm around her whenever people looked too interested. Maka didn't seem to notice anything, but it worked just fine for Soul.

(And whenever Maka asked questions, Soul commented that it was because she lacked sex appeal. Soul didn't even believe his own excuse, not that he'd ever let anyone else know that.)


	3. Sidekicks

Soul, Maka, Black*Star and Tsubaki were wandering through a bookstore one weekend, a few months after their second semester with partners started, when Maka startled them with the question "Why is it that none of you like to read?" The answers were automatic.

Black*Star: "The words are too difficult."

Tsubaki: "Keeping up with Black*Star is like a full time job. I don't really have time for anything else."

Soul: "I can't find one that sounds the least bit interesting."

Black*Star, Maka, and Tsubaki gaped at Soul. Black*Star started laughing. "Seriously? Dude, that is so lame. Only nerds read." Tsubaki slapped him on the back of the head.

Soul rolled his eyes. How does Maka ever get along with this douchebag? He insults her more than I do. "You just say that, Black*Star, because you're illiterate." Soul was expecting Maka to hit him, but instead she giggled.

"What does 'illiterate' mean?" Black*Star asked Tsubaki. Tsubaki just shook her head, promising to tell him when they got home.

Maka tossed Soul a book. "It's not Shakespeare, but it's not boring either." Soul grazed over the back, Black*Star attempting to read over his shoulder. "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone? What is that, a picture book?"

"No dipshit, if it were it wouldn't have taken you ten minutes to read the title." Black*Star shrugged.

"It sounds like a kids' book."

"Should be perfect for you then" Soul retorted, slapping Black*Star's face with the paperback.

"I don't understand why you'd wanna read that, Soul. Only geeks read that series."

Soul turned red in the face. He knew he shouldn't have cared what someone he wasn't even friends with thought of him, but he couldn't help it. He set the book on a shelf, shrugging in Maka's direction. He couldn't look her in the eyes in case she was hurt, so he slouched, making his hair fall in his eyes.

And bought the book anyway when he thought nobody was looking.

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Soul couldn't exactly say that he disliked the book, but he had a hard time sitting still. He felt too energetic and too anxious. He was afraid of someone walking in on him. It would have been somewhat embarrassing, in an 'I-told-you-so' kind of way if Maka walked in on him. It would have been mortifying in an 'I'm going to tell the entire school that you read a geek book' kind of way if Black*Star burst in on him – something he insisted on doing, no matter how many times Soul demanded he respect his privacy.

He couldn't help but draw parallels to his own life. Although he couldn't place the main character, he imagined the brainy one as Maka, the snobby one as his brother Wes, the headmaster of the school as Lord Death (which, strangely, fit pretty well), and the snarky one as himself. He couldn't think of a character to place Black*Star as, but for some reason, he could still hear Black*Star laughing at him. Only geeks read that series…

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Maka came around the corner to ask Soul what he wanted to dinner, only to find that he wasn't sprawled on the couch watching TV. She skipped to his room, knocking lightly on the door before peeking her head around. "Hey Soul, what do you wanna eat?"

She smiled, but pretended to be busy with her nails so that Soul could keep his "cool persona". She also pretended that his mumbling made sense.

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About a year later, Maka, Soul, Kid, Liz, Patti, Black*Star and Tsubaki stood in line outside a movie theatre, waiting to get tickets for a showing of one of the last Harry Potter movies. Black*Star was, of course, pretending to have been a fan all along. Maka was impressed with his costume. There wasn't even a competition for it, they just thought it might be fun, since everyone else from Shibusen was doing it. And Black*Star had really gone all out.

"I WILL SURPASS GOD! AND BY 'GOD', I MEAN YOU!" Black*Star pointed a sharpened stick at Kid, who was dressed as Harry (with two lightning scars, because one would just not be symmetrical).

Kid rolled his eyes and turned to Liz. "Why did we let him dress up as the most obnoxious and egotistical character from the series?"

Liz shrugged. "Don't ask me. In fact, don't even talk to me. If anyone asks, I don't even know you people."

Soul scratched at his wig, wondering how on Earth Maka convinced him to dress up. He was with Liz, this was beyond embarrassing. But Maka got so incredibly excited when Kid suggested the idea that he couldn't say no to her. "Besides," she'd muttered to him as she finished pinning the wig to his hair on the way over, "you don't really want Black*Star dressing up as your favourite character, do you?"

Soul had no idea how, exactly, Maka found out that Ron was his favourite. He didn't even know himself why he was, although he supposed it was because he felt a connection to him. Soul was a weapon. He was a tool. Without a meister, he couldn't do much of anything. He wasn't powerful like Kid, strong like Black*Star or smart like Maka. What would happen to him if he broke an arm? If he became injured, he would be rendered completely useless. Maka could always find a way to work with someone else.

It made him angry that Shibusen taught meisters to treat their weapons as weapons and nothing else. Maka was allowed to make her own choices and it didn't really matter what Soul wanted or thought. If Maka wanted something different, Soul got thrown away. It was like it didn't even matter or occur to her that Soul cared about her well-being. He was the sidekick, and sidekicks never got anything. They didn't get the awards, the recognition, or the girl in the end.

So as he heard people ooh-ing and aah-ing over the sweet moments Harry and Hermione shared together, Soul dug his fingernails farther and farther into the seat. Maka looked at him curiously, wondering what on Earth could be agitating Soul much.

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Once everyone got out of the theatre (and, Soul noticed, gushing about how cute Harry and Hermione would look together, saying how she just shouldn't bother with Ron since he useless and not smart enough for her in the first place), Maka placed a hand on Soul's shoulder, making sure he didn't run off. "Hey Soul, what's wrong?"

"Nothing" he snapped. He tugged the wig off his head harshly, growling when it pulled tufts of his own hair out. He attempted to yank away from her, but Maka only slid her hand down to his wrist, trying to make him stop and talk to her. Without thinking, his arm transformed into a blade and he shoved her away.

Maka didn't have her gloves on, but the cut he left wasn't very deep. It was bleeding somewhat though, like a bad paper cut. Maka had tears forming out of the corner of her eyes. But she looked more emotionally than physically hurt.

"I'm sorry Maka, I just –"

"It's okay, Soul." She tried to wipe her hands off on her knees, but just wound up spreading the blood on her legs. "It's just, it stings" but Soul knew that wasn't what the tears were about.

Soul walked to Maka. He felt bad when she flinched at his touch. He hated that he made her scared.

He put his hands on her waist, moving them slowly to the small of her back. He rested his head on her shoulder. Maka refused to hug him back, so he let go, staring agitatedly at the ground. He nervously rubbed the back of his head "let's just…let's go home."

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"It pisses me off sidekick doesn't get the girl" he said quietly. "Or much of anything." He wrapped her hands up with bandage, surprised she even let him touch her. The look in her eyes was so betrayed…

"What?"

He finished wrapping up her hand, holding it in both of his. "Why do all of those people want Hermoine to get together with Harry?"

"You're pissed off because…because some people think Hermione would be better off with Harry than Ron?"

"Yes!" he yelled, throwing her hand down. Maka tried her hardest not to giggle. This was what made him so upset he unintentionally turned into a blade? "Why does Harry have to get the girl in the end? He's already more powerful than Ron, more popular than Ron, more athletic, he wins more often, he gets all the luck, and all because some dumbass tried to kill him when he was younger! Why doesn't Ron get anything? It's unfair! He's a third of the main group! Harry would be dead if it wasn't for him!" And Hermione, Maka added silently. She listened to him ranting, wondering what on Earth had prompted this. Soul never got so upset about any other movie, book, TV show or video game.

"Soul?" she interrupted. "What is this really about?"

Soul bowed his head. "You know how Ron never really contributes anything?" he didn't wait for her answer. He looked up at her. "Why don't you ever listen to anything I say?"

Maka opened her mouth to protest.

"No, shut up for a moment, please. Does it ever even occur to you that I might have ideas that work just as well as yours? Or when you do dumbass reckless stuff like when we were fighting Free and you just threw me like I was some inanimate object – God, did you ever even think that maybe you'd scared me? Or Tsubaki? Or Black*Star? What the Hell would I have done if you'd been killed? Don't even bother bringing up Crona. You could always work with any other weapon. You're like Tsubaki, you're just compatible with anybody! I'm not. Do you have any idea how hard it would be to find another partner who wasn't lame or a dumbass? All the other kids in Spartoi are taken. Do you ever stop to think about the other people, the ones around you, and how your actions might affect me?"

Soul didn't even notice his slip up, nor did Maka give him time to. She slapped him hard on the face, looking ready to eat his head off. "Don't you ever say that to me." Soul felt his cheek, looking to his side instead of at her face. "Listen to me! Please, just look at me!" He looked up at her, and she was crying. "Don't you ever even suggest that I could go on without you."

It seemed that Maka couldn't continue, and instead launched herself onto Soul. The stood, embracing each other fearfully, for ten or so minutes. Maka laughed at Soul's puffy face, much like a blowfish. She laughed. As if he read her mind, he commented, giving her his signature grin that to anyone else would have looked like a sneer, "yeah, because you look any better."

Soul started off toward his bedroom when Maka stopped him. "Just so you know, they're wrong."

"Hm? Who is?"

"Everybody else." She kissed Soul on the cheek. "Ron gets Hermione in the end." Soul suddenly felt very glad that he was just the sidekick.

Especially since it meant he didn't get kidnapped by weirdoes.


	4. I Won't Say I'm in Love

Maka and Soul had just befriended and were getting to know Kid and his partners the first time someone asked Maka "So, how's your love life?"

Maka, Liz, Patti and Tsubaki were playing a weird version of a card game (Maka thought it was supposed to be poker, but it wasn't like any game of poker she'd ever seen) with various knickknacks as collateral during a girls' night in (no thanks to the horrendous rainstorms). Liz had a toothpick between her teeth and was trying her hardest to talk like a 20's gangster. Maka, so far, was losing and not much enjoying the game. Her brows still hunched, Maka straightened her back against the foot of the couch. "I don't think I know what you mean."

Liz threw down a card carelessly. Patti's eyes sneaked from side to side, before, snickering, placing a card down with the flick of a thumb. Without even looking, Tsubaki threw a card down, Maka though she must have played games like this often with Black*Star, but just assumed that rather by cheating or practice, Black*Star always won. Now she wondered if it wasn't because he was either lying about his wins or because Tsubaki was losing on purpose.

"Like Hell you don't know. Give me the skinny. What's up with the hot guys here?"

"Why do you think I'd know any hot guys?" Maka was tired of trying to figure out the rules of the game. She dropped her cards to her side, leaning back with her head on the seat of the cheap and care-worn couch. Blair had left huge scratch marks on the couch, which confused Maka. Why did she feel the need? She was half-human after all, couldn't she just use a nail file like everybody else?

Liz smirked, waggling her eyebrows. "Oh? Then how did you meet Soul? He must have a friend or two…" Liz threw her cards in the centre and let the rest of her body drop to the floor.

Maka snorted. "Soul? You think Soul is hot? Ugh, whatever. And unless you find Black*Star attractive, Soul doesn't really have any other friends." Maka used her gloved hands to block out the ceiling lights. "Besides, what about Kid? He's a guy…"

Liz bolted up in synch with Patti's laughter. "Seriously? Kid? You have a crush on Kid? Oh my god, that is so perfect!"

"What's so perfect?" Soul was standing in the hallway, looking aimlessly at the group of girls. His eyes shied away from the Thompson sisters, whose casual clothing was not exactly modest. He nodded a slight hello to Tsubaki before resting his eyes on Maka.

"Maka has a crush on-" Maka slapped her hand over Liz's mouth. Soul, suddenly realizing that this was girl talk going on, shrugged embarrassedly and backed off to his room.

Maka sighed in relief, and turned to Tsubaki. Imitating Liz and therefore pissing Liz off, she asked "So, Tsubaki, how's your love life?"

Tsubaki shook her head, placing her cards in her lap politely. "I don't have a love life."

"Yeah right. Don't you and Black*Star like, sleep in the same room?" Liz was now trying to scratch dirty words and suggestions into the carpet with her not-yet-dry nail polish.

Tsubaki blushed, bowing her head. "Yes. But we're just friends, and that's all. It's not like I'm going to marry him or something."

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Maka stood alert as Tsubaki walked up to the altar, draped beautifully in white. She looked like some sort of fairy tale princess, with not one hair out of place. Even Kid was happy, sobbing quietly at the symmetry of it all.

Although Tsubaki certainly seemed happy as the priest read off her and Black*Star's vows, Maka couldn't image how on Earth anyone could be happy marrying him. They weren't even marrying for money or for love – they were getting married so they could legally adopt Angela. Everyone was surprised at how seriously Black*Star was handling the situation. He even showed up in a tuxedo, and she heard him ask Soul at least three times if he'd remembered the rings. Even a clock over the head didn't stop him.

Maka dazed off into space, not really hearing the 'I do's or the ring exchange or the 'you may now kiss the bride' part or the even the part where Tsubaki muttered to her "you better catch the damn bouquet." She followed on autopilot, her head still stuck in the clouds. How could they stand getting married so young? The thought just bothered her. Everything could go completely wrong. She was still completely baffled that the two were remaining partners. It couldn't mean anything but disaster.

"May I have this dance?" Maka looked up at Soul, offering his left hand to her right one.

"I thought you hated dancing."

Soul shrugged. "How many times do your best friends get married?"

Maka took Soul's hand, remembering the fight with Crona.

Soul, too, was remembering. "You've gotten better since then," he commented, setting his head on hers. "You haven't stepped on my foot once."

Maka still wasn't paying much attention, but she could tell that Soul was angry or upset about something. She tried to look up at him, but he wouldn't look back. The dance ended and Soul let her go, still staring off into the distance. "You better go up there, I think Tsubaki wants you to catch the bouquet."

And indeed, Maka did catch the bouquet, full in the face. Tsubaki's shot was hardly fair. But then again, what do you expect from the weapon that was only one witch soul away from achieving Death Weapon status? The other girls stormed off, leaving Maka staring into her bouquet. "What if he leaves her?" she asked quietly. "It feels like Tsubaki and Black*Star have been together so long. What will she do when he leaves her? What if they wake up one day and they hate each other? What happens in the future?"

Soul touched her arm, his fingers sliding to the back and running down to her wrist. He loosened her grip on the flowers, moulding his fingers with hers. "He's not going to leave her. I don't think he'd know what to do without her."

"But how can you be so sure?"

"You're the one who can perceive Souls, how can you not see it?" he shook his head back and forth, his hair falling from its once orderly manner back into his eyes. "Their souls are perfectly in sync, like ours." His grip on her tightened. She dropped the bouquet, watching as it fell to the ground and split. "We're not like those flowers. The thing that holds them together eventually dies and falls apart. People like Tsubaki and Black*Star…like you and me…we don't lose that."

Maka closed her eyes, forcing tears out of the corner. She stood like that for a few moments, straddling the fence between the reality and unreality, where Soul was kissing her tears away, or where she was standing by herself.

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Soul chased Maka around for another year, trying to get her to go out with him. She finally agreed, only to have an emotional breakdown four days later.

Soul was sitting impatiently outside of Maka's door. She refused to believe that he was being serious when he tried to ask her out on a date. Then she tried to pretend like it wasn't really a date. She couldn't ignore any of the other signs when he kissed her goodnight and she squealed, running off to her room. The next day's awkward conversation went something like this:

"So, how did you sleep?"

"Ididn'"

"…yeah, I had insomnia too."

The day after that, Soul and Maka acted as they usually did, and Soul, at least, felt comfortable with that. Yesterday, they spent most of the day making out. Today, Maka seemed embarrassed to even look at him.

Soul knocked on her door with one knuckle, trying to hold back the urgency he felt. He couldn't remember ever having felt so anxious about anything, and it would ruin his reputation if he went off to school the next day without knowing why his own meister wouldn't look at him. "Come on, Maka. Whatever it is, I'm not gonna get mad or judge you…or if you're mad at me please just tell me why, so I can fix it."

Maka opened the door cautiously, one eye peeking out. "I'm really sorry, Soul…" Soul kneeled up, levelling himself with her. "But…I feel like we should just be friends." Soul nearly bit through his tongue trying his hardest to assure himself that he was just dreaming. This was, after all, his worst nightmare. "I'm so sorry to do this to you, Soul."

Maka attempted to shut the door, but Soul stuck his hand in and threw it open. He pinned Maka against the foot of her bed. "It's like that damn Sloth chapter, isn't it?" Maka shook her head, refusing to look Soul in the eyes. He could see tear falling off her cheeks and onto the floor. He wanted to feel badly for her. He wanted to comfort her and to back off of the subject. But if he did any of those things, he'd lose the battle, and then he would be the one crying. And nobody would be taking care of him, because there was no way in Hell he'd let anyone know how hurt he really was about it.

"It isn't that Soul, really, it isn't, I just…I don't feel that way about you…"

"Bull shit!" he yelled. "That's bull shit and we both know it is! I can hear your thoughts, Maka, every time we fight together. I can feel everything you're feeling, and I know what you're saying isn't true, so why are you doing this?" Her sobs were louder and more apparent. She tried to hide her eyes and the consequence of her tears with her gloves, but Soul wrenched her hands away. He held her hands, flaring up into an unexpected Soul Resonance.

Maka was still crying in Soul's room. The little demon, sitting on the piano, looked disgustedly at her. "Get the fuck out of here!" Soul roared at him. Don't need telling me twice. With a wave, he disappeared.

"Maka, what is wrong with you?"

"Please Soul, don't make me explain. You know I can't lie to you in here –"

"Exactly, Maka. That's why I know you're lying. Why are you doing this to me? Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Maka started calming down, regulating her breathing. Soul sat down on the piano bench. "This…is how I feel." Maka listened to his song. It started off happy and light. It swelled occasionally, becoming overwhelmingly intense. Slowly it declined, becoming almost a funeral march. The notes became icicles that smashed to the ground. Maka felt pained to listen to it. It made her want to cry again.

Soul finished with his right pointer feeling ending on Middle C. Maka got the impression that the note was supposed to symbolize hope.

She sat next to him on the bench. "What if we don't work out?"

"I don't know why you're thinking about something so ridiculous."

"I'm being serious, Soul."

"And so am I. Maka, I love you. I love you. I love you. How many times am I going to have to say it? I am never going to leave you, and I know you're never going to leave me because I trust you. There is no way we could not work out. Our souls are too closely intertwined. I could never be half as close to anybody else. Even if you try to break things off now, I'm never going to leave you alone. If this is really what you think you want, I am going to make you change your mind."

Maka tilted her head in his direction. She took his hand and they went back to the real world. Papers had fluttered from Maka's desk to her floor.

"I don't what happened to mama and papa to happen to us."

"I'm not your father. I'm not the least bit interested in any other girl. I never have been. And you're not your mother. Yes, she was a great meister…you are too. You're better. You'd never leave your child behind." He cupped her face in his hand. "It's time to grow up, Maka, and decide that you're not going to live in fear of something you know isn't going to happen. You're 18 now. You're an adult. You can do whatever you want. It's not like we're getting married today."

"I can do whatever I want, huh?" her voice was low from crying. She snaked her arms around his body and kissed him forcefully and thoroughly, experimenting with just how far into his mouth her tongue could go. Soul wanted to laugh at her. She really must have been nuts – it seemed like she was trying to cut herself on his teeth. "How about you?"

Soul grinned mischievously at her, growling into her ear.


	5. I Skip a Heartbeat for You

Soul's first crush was the younger sister of the girl his parents were trying to set him up with. She was mean, grouchy, loud, and angry. She liked to hit and bite. She was often quite rude to anybody she came into contact with. She was wildly unpopular with all of the other kids in Soul's social group, and that's why he was completely enamoured of her.

She didn't know he existed, of course, and most of the people he was supposed to be friends with pretended like she didn't exist.

After she bit the president of the social club, her parents were forced to leave 'in shame'. Soul never saw the girl again.

X – x- X – x - X- x – X – x - X – x – X – x – X – x – X –x – X – x – X – x - X- x – X – x

Soul couldn't remember feeling that same way – sweaty, empty, nervous, his heart racing a million times a minute – about any other girl.

Well, he felt that way about Maka, but that was different.

Maka herself was different. She did as she was told and played by the rulebooks, but she was just…different. She was more dedicated, more passionate, more compassionate, smarter, cleverer, and even more adjectives he couldn't identify than any of the other girls he'd met at Shibusen. She was a tomboy. She didn't giggle or spread gossip or go on and on about boys. She actually cared about what Soul was thinking and going through, and that terrified him. No one had ever cared so much about him before.

So Soul dealt with it in the only way he could think to: by being rude to her. He didn't really mean it, and he was glad Maka knew that as well.

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X –x – x – X – x- x x- x- X – x – x

They were taking down their 38th soul the first – and only – time someone accused Soul and Maka of being boyfriend and girlfriend. (In hindsight, Soul figured that this was what made Maka so upset the following day when Hiro asked him to be his partner.)

Soul felt his heart start racing.

He started sweating.

He was blushing.

"SHE IS NOT MY FUCKING GIRLFRIEND! I DON'T EVEN LIKE HER, OKAY? AND WHY WOULD I GO OUT WITH SOMEONE SO SHORT AND SO UNAPPEALING?"

Maka just stared at him. "Well gee, Soul. I'm sorry I'm such an embarrassment."

Maka swung him straight into the hard armour of their enemy, knowing it wasn't going to work. But it sure hurt Soul a whole Hell of a lot, and he never made that same mistake again.

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x –X – x – X – x .- X

"Okay, Soul, I don't know what's going on."

"That's okay. You don't have to know, you just have to…to feel."

He undid her blindfold.

"A…piano?"

"You asked me to be more open and more honest about what I felt…this is how I'll express it."

Maka listened calmly, hands behind her back. Soul had been rehearsing – so unlike him – for several months now, making sure the notes were just right, but he was still sweating. At one point in time, he even slipped on a note, accidentally making it sharp when it was supposed to be flat. His hands shook for the rest of the performance.

When he was done, he didn't move. "So…that's…that's how I…feel." He couldn't hear her walking up behind him. "About you."

She sat down next to him on the bench. "That was beautiful."

He considered using a cheesy line. And then reconsidered it. "I messed up." He consciously moved his hand so it was over Maka's. "It skipped. Like a heartbeat…skipping. Going incorrectly when everything else is. And it feels weird."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"I'm not good with words. That's why…I tried to play it for you…" Maka still looked clueless, her eyes blank. "I…feel…my heart…speed up…when I'm around you. And it skips. Like the piano did. And I mess up my words, I slur on them. And I wish I could say something fluid, and nice…but I can't. I don't know how." Maka still didn't seem to be getting it. "I –" Soul gave up on his words, instead leaning forward to Maka and kissing her.

He was terrified, at first. She didn't seem to be kissing him back. That wasn't the way things were supposed to go. This was all wrong. This had to be some sort of nightmare. He was embarrassing himself horribly. Now he and Maka were going to have to find different partners, because what the Hell was he going to say to her now? He couldn't possibly continue working with her.

He tried to jerk back. Maka grabbed his wrist, holding him still. "I'm sorry, I don't – I don't know how." Soul figured Maka couldn't have been much more experience than he was, but he figured she'd read several books on it. But love was like music: not something you could study, but something you had to experience.

They tried kissing again. And again. And again.

X – x- X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x - X – x – X – x – X – x - X- x – X – x- x- x - X- x –X

"I don't want your fucking approval, I'm asking your daughter to marry me, whether you like it or not."

Spirit blinked. "All I asked is how your job was going."


	6. Good vs Evil

"What makes you think we're so different, you and I?" Maka was getting better at pausing mid-swing. If she waited too long, she usually lost her balance and fell over, always resulting in an argument. Unfortunately, she hit a slight hesitation and the monster – a particularly birdish looking villain, complete with wings and a long pointed beak – took advantage of her distraction. He attempted to trip her up. Maka dug the end of Soul's shaft into his cranium and flung herself over him. The monster grabbed Soul. Maka jabbed him straight into his eye.

"This time, Maka, no hesitating…we can do this?" Soul and Maka found too often that they argued over the dumbest of things. One particularly nasty row ended in Maka sobbing, telling Soul that she didn't think he liked her much or wanted to be friends with her, let alone be her partner, because he was never very encouraging. Soul agreed to tone it back a bit if Maka would stop the perfectionism. It reminded him too much of the way he used to be with piano and made him feel inadequate.

"Right" Maka responded. She twirled Soul in the air above her head before slinging him over her back and running full force at the bizarre bird-man.

"Who are you to say that you are right and I am wrong?"

"I don't destroy the souls of the innocent to make myself more powerful! I am not evil! I'm not insane!"

"But who dictates who are you to dictate those who are innocent from those who are evil? The sane from the insane?"

Maka's mind stopped, but her body did not. She swung the scythe and in a smooth move, a red soul floated in front of the two, slid down Soul's throat, and disappeared forever.

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X

Maka tried not to think about that moment of doubt. If she lingered on that thought, she'd never be able to do her job. But sometimes, she couldn't help it. She found it hard to figure out her faith. She wanted something to believe in, but by any set of religious laws, what she was doing was wrong.

One night, Maka lay next to Soul on the ground of a hill, looking up at the stars. Maka began to wonder about the afterlife.

"Soul, do you believe in Heaven?"

"Hm?"

She rolled over to look at him better. "You know, an afterlife. One for the good and one for the bad."

Soul shrugged. "What does it matter?"

"What if what we're doing…what if we're not the good guys?"

Soul sat up and turned to face her. "I don't think that there really is a difference. Everything is gray, and you decide for yourself whether what you're doing is right or wrong." He pulled up a flower surrounded by weeds. "If you believe you're doing right," he peeled apart one weed "you'll go to a happy place when you die, no matter what the rest of the world believes." He pulled apart another weed. "If you intend to do wrong, then you'll go to a bad place when you die." He pulled apart the last weed. "But I think most people live in a neutral sort of world, with a neutral sort of morality and a neutral sort of life. And I don't think they go anywhere when they die…maybe they regenerate. But who cares, really? We're alive right now, we can't worry about things so far off."

Maka sat up. "Maybe you're right… Do you think what we're doing is right?"

He twirled the flower around in his hand. He pushed her hair back, leaving the flower behind her ear. "I don't care what my actions are. I'd do anything, right or wrong, to protect you…to me, protecting you is right. If I don't do my job correctly, I'm going to Hell. I can live with bad morals, so long as you're safe." Soul stood up, dusting off his pants. He offered his hand to Maka. She smiled upon taking it.

"So long as you're safe…I think I can deal with Hell too."


	7. Heart and Soul

Soul heard a noise around the corner. He stopped just short of the corner, listening to it. He knew the noise was the piano, and he knew who was playing the piano. And he knew he didn't want to stop her.

She sang to herself as her awkward and shaky hands tried the keys: "heart – and – soul – I – fell – in – love – with – you – heart – and – ugh!" Maka's hands slipped and banged several keys at once. Soul smiled to himself.

These days of Maka's secret piano practice had been going on for a month. He didn't want to break her concentration or discourage her. It was partly just entertaining and partly…endearing. He was curious to see where she would go with it, and at that time, he didn't know much about Maka. At this time, he thought Maka would give up. And he was wrong.

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X

It was one of their dinners where Kid and Maka tried to be diplomatic about everything, Tsubaki babysat Patti and Black*Star, and Liz got a little too drunk and had friendly arguments with Soul when Maka finally broke.

"I don't know, I think I prefer their third album" Liz crinkled her nose. "The second one sounded too much like…trance fusion. And who listens to that crap anyway?"

Soul laughed. "Well, Maka does, for one."

Liz gaped. "Maka! You have to be kidding me. Sweetie, you live with Soul and you listen to trance fusion?"

Maka, who was washing dishes at this time, started crying. Not big, just enough so the tears fell and her shoulders heaved. No one in the room noticed – no one, save for Soul, who felt it in the omnipresent resonance.

Soul approached Maka, placing a hand on her shoulder. He knew the answer, but he asked anyway: "Maka, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she shrugged his shoulder away. "I'm fine, Soul." She smiled at him through the tears. "Honestly, don't worry about me."

Soul gave her a wary look, but walked back to the table.

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X

Everyone left the house at about 11:30. By midnight, Maka was exhausted and getting ready to crawl into bed when there was a soft rapping at her door.

"Soul?" she asked. "Jeez, Soul, what's wrong?"

Wordlessly, Soul grabbed her hand and drug her over to the small piano he'd spied her practicing on. Maka blushed. "What about the piano?"

"I've seen you playing it. So show me, I can help you."

"What? No – no, I can't play."

"Of course you can, I've seen you practicing simple tunes before. So come on, show me. You can do it."

"No, Soul. I've tried. I can't understand it." Maka got up off the bench and attempted to stalk off.

Soul wrapped an arm around her waist. "That's not so, Maka. Come on, I've heard you practicing –"

"Yes, I've – tried. But I can't play. I don't understand music." Soul dropped his arm and Maka turned his back to him, her hands hiding her face. "I've read every book in the library on music, and I still don't get it. I just don't get it."

Soul bit his lip, thinking. He tilted his head to the side, walked back to the piano bench, and started to play again, the same song Maka had been playing.

Maka turned around, hands clasped in front of her. "You play it so much better."

"I've been practicing since the day I was born."

"You're wonderful."

"I'm average."

Maka blushed, glancing at her feet. "You're wonderful to me."

Soul blushed, so avoided Maka's eyes. "You can learn too, Maka. Come here." She hesitated. "What are you afraid of?"

"Failure"

"Music is like…well, like any other form of art. Writing, speaking, singing…love…you can't read about it and expect to understand it. It's something you have to feel."

Maka didn't approach the piano bench, but agreed to observe Soul, to try to register what he felt.

X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X – x – X

Years later, Maka sat at the piano bench. Neither she nor Soul had really had time to use it. She blew the dust off and felt the keys. Soul walked up behind her.

"Hey. What's up?"

"Remember how you once told me that with music, I had to play what I felt?"

"I don't think that's exactly what I said." Maka glared at him. "But go on."

"Well, here goes." Maka began to play her signature tune to herself, this time embellishing a few notes and singing along. "Heart and soul, I fell in love with you, heart and soul…" Unable to remember the rest of the words, Maka began to hum.

Soul started laughing. "I feel pathetic. Neither one of us as learned anything new – and how long as it been, a couple of years?"

"But you said it wasn't about learning, it was about feeling."

"True, but what does this song have to do with what you're feeling?"

"Soul…you told me you loved me…I never said it back." Soul sat down next to her.

"So what you're saying is…you don't love me?"

"No! I'm saying I – know how – no, I'm saying – I can admit it – ugh!" Maka breathed slowly, preparing her fingers again. "I'm saying, I fell in love with you, heart and soul."


End file.
